Before They Were Stars

It goes without saying that before the biggest names in showbiz were stars, they were doing something else, something more down-to-earth. Rod Stewart, for example, was a gravedigger. Harrison Ford, meanwhile, did odd carpentry jobs. Jon Bon Jovi once worked as a janitor at a recording studio.

And, more often than not, many stars started out in showbiz appearing in commercials, sci-fi films and music videos that are crappy at best. Some have guested and done interviews in different TV shows, as shown in the above video.

Here’s a compilation of other clips showing your favorite stars long before they got their big break. Many of them started out very young, and are just too cute for words, Catherine Zeta-Jones in particular.

Here’s another. And another one for good measure.

Enjoy.

“I Wanna Be A Producer…”

I’ve heard so much about The Producers, that Broadway musical by comic genius Mel Brooks, which is based on his Oscar-winning (for screenplay) 1968 film of the same name. I know for a fact that the 2001 musical was a veritable juggernaut at the Tony Awards, being the most nominated musical ever, with 15, as well as the winningest, with 12. It also happens to be the biggest hit in Broadway history.

I finally got to watch the 2005 film version of the Broadway musical on DVD over the weekend.

As a film, The Producers is definitely no Chicago. Mel Brooks’ material didn’t get the same level of translation from stage to screen that Rob Marshall achieved for his Oscar-winning film. Suffice it to say that the 2005 film was too stagey, as if you were watching an actual performance on stage that was recorded on film and set to DVD. And what may work well onstage doesn’t necessarily mean it will do the same on film.

The performances were superlative, although many people might get turned off by Nathan Lane’s and Matthew Broderick’s exaggerated portrayals, which, by the way, is actually necessary for stage performers to avoid being “eaten up” by the stage and sets. But Will Ferrell is such a delightful surprise here, putting his Saturday Night Live-honed skills to good use in this movie.

Reviews of the film, however, are generally mean, with some calling it “unfunny” and totally “unnecessary”.


Honestly, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I haven’t seen the 1968 original, nor am I capable of buying a round trip ticket to New York and catch the musical on Broadway at scalper’s prices. The fact remains that the material—doesn’t matter if it’s the 1968 straight-up comedy film, the 2001 Broadway musical or the 2005 movie musical—is so funny that tears literally streamed down my cheeks from laughing so hard. That’s the first time that has ever happened to me, despite having seen some of the funniest films of all time like Airplane! and Monty Python’s Life of Brian (more on this one in future posts)

My only real regret about The Producers is that it took me this long to see something so original and funny.

But if you don’t find the sight and sound of a gaily (hint, hint) singing and dancing Adolf Hitler funny, then go skip this one.

Those Crappy AI Finale Songs

No surprises in the outcome of American Idol 5.

As boldly predicted by Simon Cowell, Taylor Hicks became only the second male to be crowned as the American Idol.

So I won’t write much about how the finale and results show turned out. Countless sites carry that. What I’m aching to rant about is the standard American Idol practice of making the final two sing songs as schmaltzy and ultimately crappy as the ones they sang last night.

These songs—presumably composed by second-rate songwriters getting minimum wage from the Fox Network—are probably the reason why Bo Bice didn’t win last year. He sang his first “single”—the title of which I don’t care to remember—during the AI 4 finale and delivered what is probably his worst-ever performance that season. Country singer Carrie Underwood, in contrast, was typically at home with her “single”—as country music nowadays is filled with pretty much the same crap—and eventually won.

This year, it was Katharine McPhee’s turn to fall flat on her face. Her “single” made me cringe while she was performing. It apparently had the same effect on her too, as she practically fell apart vocally while singing that song. Luckily for Taylor, he has this natural ability to turn even the crappiest of songs into something remotely engaging, which kinda explains why he is this year’s American Idol.

But if these songs are any indication of Taylor’s eventual and mandatory AI-produced album, I’d say Katharine, Elliott, Chris and all those who bit the dust are the lucky ones.

The Laughable Da Vinci Code Film

So the verdict on The Da Vinci Code film is out.

It sucks. Big Time.

This point was driven all the way home when a really deep slumber was harshly interrupted by the sound of my cell phone ringing. A friend has called me up in the middle of the night--literally since it was 12 am--and begged me to listen to him. I did, and found myself at the receiving end of a 20-minute barrage of invectives and profanities which apparently are appropriate descriptions of the movie itself.

Honestly, I was kinda looking forward to the movie, because I wanted to see how director Ron Howard would treat the material, which wasn't really much to begin with.

Then I saw news articles about audience reactions to the film on the net. Not film reviews, which could be extremely snobbish, but news stories about audience reactions.

And they were just as nasty nevertheless.

The tone of the news items were similar: at its first screening at the Cannes Film Festival, the film was met, not with the usual walkouts, catcalls or hisses customary for really bad movies, but with laughter.

The last time I checked, The Da Vinci Code is not a comedy. As a matter of fact, there is hardly any humor in both the book and the movie at all. So why the laughter? Because it was not funny; It was laughable.

That was it for me. I didn't watch the movie. Not that they need my sixty pesos anyway. As of this writing, the movie has already grossed over $200 million worldwide.

The Greatest Singer The World Has Never Known

When Simon Cowell picked “Over The Rainbow” for Katharine McPhee to sing last week on American Idol, I thought, “If she sings Eva Cassidy’s version, that’ll be great.” She didn’t, but she drew praise nevertheless.

Back up a bit, you might say. Eva who?

Eva Cassidy, in my own opinion, is the greatest singer the world has never known.


If not for my friend Django, who brought Eva’s CD “Songbird” back home from the U.S. in 2001, I wouldn’t have heard about this diminutive singer from the D.C. area.

I could sing all her praises here, but I’d probably take up all the space I’ve got in this blog. Besides, there’s no way I could write about Eva’s life and music as beautifully as Richard Harrington of The Washington Post has. The title of this article alone, which was published shortly after her death, gave me goose bumps.

Oh, did I mention she died of cancer in 1996, at the age of 33?

Way To Go, Elliott

The American Idol underdog is out.

Elliott Yamin, whom I consider to be the best male vocalist to ever appear on the show, was booted off AI Wednesday.

Although I’ve been secretly hoping he’d win the competition, his elimination seems fair, as he did, sadly, deliver sub-par performances last Tuesday night. He hit one too many flats and sharps on all three songs, and his nervousness was so apparent you could practically reach out and touch it. The smashing turns of the luscious Katharine McPhee and the epileptic Taylor Hicks didn’t help his cause either.

Nevertheless, Elliott’s exit doesn’t change the fact that he is one tremendous talent, and a pretty down-to-earth one at that. Armed with a soulful and a really sincere singing voice, he got to where he is despite a number of obstacles that would have prompted lesser men to just roll over and die.

He’s got Type 1 diabetes, the worst sort; Unbelievably for a singer of his caliber, he’s 90% deaf in his right ear; And least important to me but probably the one thing that seems to matter the most to many actual AI voters, he isn’t much to look at.

And yet he got to the top three, not because voters pitied him (as many say rather unfairly) but because he really is a damn good singer. That fact has already been established early in the season, when Elliott, with the help of judge Randy Jackson, weathered one of the hissy and bitchy Brittenum twins and made him look like a flaming idiot.

If only for that, I take my hat off to the “funky white boy” from Richmond, Virginia. Way to go Elliott. We’ll be looking forward to your album.

As for the finale, see who Simon Cowell thinks would be the next American Idol.

Honestly, who likes Chris Tucker?

New Line Cinema, apparently.

The studio that gave us the Rush Hour films will reportedly pay Chris Tucker $25 million to appear in Rush Hour 3. That makes him the highest-paid actor in Hollywood, along with Hitch star Will Smith.

New Line also offered the other half of the Rush Hour cops, Jackie Chan, $15 million for the third installment.

What's wrong with this picture?

Can anyone honestly say he or she watched the Rush Hour movies because of a shrieking Chris Tucker? Didn’t think so. The series could survive without Chris Tucker, who, incidentally, only has the two Rush Hour films as hits to his credit. Any loudmouth comedian (loads of them in Hollywood) could take his place. But pull Jackie Chan out of that movie and all you’d be left with is another so-so comedy with an annoying African-American comedian (think Chris Rock, and all the crap he’s given us all these years) in the lead.

So why is the legendary Jackie Chan not paid the same, or at least something close to the amount they’re giving the one-dimesional Chris Tucker? Your guess is as good as mine.

So much for the land of equal opportunity…

The World's Most Powerful Woman?

She's African-American. And no, it's not U.S. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice. She's just as much a puppet of the corporate powers-that-be as her clueless boss is. This woman instead has bigwigs of the corporate world kowtow to her on national TV, and forces established authors to publicly admit to falsehoods and exaggerations in their supposed memoirs.

She's none other than the divine Miss Winfrey, Oprah.

L'Oreal Taps Diane Keaton

This is a case of age not really mattering a whit.

While other beauty product lines fall over each other signing up young and incredibly gorgeous models for their ad campaigns, L'Oreal Paris has appointed 60-year old Diane Keaton as spokesperson.

The Oscar-winning actress has always been an epitome of beauty, advanced age notwithstanding. I first saw her in The Godfather movies, where she played Michael Corleone's long-suffering wife, Kay Adams. She was pretty in a geeky kind of way then.

More than thirty years after the first Godfather, she decided to take her clothes off and get down and dirty with Jack Nicholson, another soon-to-be-geriatric, in Something's Gotta Give. Seeing her in this film made me momentarily forget that she could have easily been my grandmother. Despite the presence of wrinkles and crow's feet (proof that she's all natural), she's got the body and the rack that would make youngsters like Kirsten Dunst green with envy. You wouldn't believe she's already spent six decades walking this planet.

No wonder Keannu Reeves' doctor-character pursues her so persistently throughout the film.

Appropriately enough, the L'Oreal products she'll be endorsing are those targeted towards women her age.

As if she needs any of that stuff.

The X-Men's Last Stand

With all the hype surrounding the The Da Vinci Code movie, I would have forgotten that there is a third X-Men movie up for release if not for Rebecca Romijn's "I'm freaking out!" appearance on the American Idol results show that saw Chris Daughtry get the boot.


The gorgeous Romijn, who plays shape-shifter Mystique, shamelessly plugged X-Men: The Last Stand, which will premiere on May 26, a full week after the movie based on Dan Brown's bestseller opens.

Clips from the latest and supposedly last installment of the mutant saga are all over the Internet. Here's one. There's also a seven-minute clip at the official website of Dell.

What can I say?Well, I'm pretty much revved-up about this one. The Sentinels, Beast, Angel, Juggernaut and Shadowcat all make their debuts in this film. Plus, the war that the first two X-Men movies keeps on hinting about seems to be finally here. Best of all, mutants of all shapes, sizes and colors make up Magneto's "army", promising a visual effects extravaganza.

Many were disappointed when Bryan Singer left the series to do Superman Returns, and left the directing chores to Rush Hour director Brett Ratner. Many film snobs have already crucified Ratner long before he started work on the movie, and I think that seems a bit unfair. Admittedly, the movies he's known for are not exactly the kind that would stimulate brain cells. In fact, his movies seem to deaden them. But only a cinematic idiot of a director (think Ed Wood), which Ratner is most definitely not, could mess up material as rich as that of the X-Men.

Then again, I fear that Ratner has taken a lot of liberties with the X-Men mythos. But in today's world of multi-media crossovers, it is already expected that some story details considered to be canon are going to be distorted, ommitted, or downright reversed.

Luckily for us in the Philippines, we'll be among the first to see if Ratner delivers. The movie opens here on May 24, two full days ahead of the scheduled U.S. release.

American Idol Shocker…

..at least that’s how most news reports described Chris Daughtry’s elimination from American Idol Wednesday night. Apparently, it came as a shock to Chris himself too.

I’ve already said in my AI post last week that any of the final five deserve to win the competition. That’s why I hardly consider Chris’s exit shocking. AI, after all, is a popularity contest first, singing competition second. Staying on in the finals hinges not on whether the finalists’ performance was “the bomb” or simply just bombed, but on whether or not AI’s millions of viewers still want you filling up their TV screens in future telecasts. It’s as simple as that. If you honestly believe AI is a talent show in the real sense of the words, then how come Kellie Pickler made it to the Top 6, while Mandisa, who's one hell of singer, got cut rather early?

In fairness to Chris, he did relatively well on Elvis night, while bombshell Katharine McPhee fared a lot worse. He can sing, there’s no doubt about that, but he just sorely lacked the charm that made Bo Bice stand out last season. Plus, there’s just something annoying about a supposedly hard rocker in the Creed or Nickelback mold appearing on something as mainstream as American Idol. For many rockers, Chris was nothing more than a poseur.

Now that it’s down to three, I’d still say the same thing: Taylor, Elliott and Katharine all deserve to become the next American Idol. But they’ll have to do more than deliver smashing performances if they want to be it.

I don’t know about the two guys, but there’s something Katharine can do to sway the votes her way: Show more skin, most especially cleavage. I know it’s a bit crude, but she has done that in the past, and I’m certain it has helped her escape elimination throughout the competition. If she does that next week, she’ll have a lock on the horny male vote, which is probably roughly half of American Idol’s voting population.

If it’s any indication, she was all wrapped up when she sang “All Shook Up” on Elvis night, then found herself in the bottom two with Chris.

The Da Vinci Code Blues

What’s all this noise about the upcoming The Da Vinci Code movie? Almost every news website I’ve visited in the last few weeks featured something about the latest Tom Hanks vehicle, from calls for boycotts to an outright ban. What’s the big deal?


Oh, the thing about Jesus and Mary Magdalene and the Catholic Church. Right. Now I remember.

I read Dan Brown’s best-selling novel last year in less than two days. I found it to be highly entertaining. In fairness, he does spin a yarn so tight you just couldn’t put it down.

But that’s all there is to Dan Brown and his controversial book. Entertaining? Definitely. Enlightening? You gotta be kidding me.

I’m not Catholic. In fact, I’m not even much of a religious person at all. So I’m bashing Dan Brown not because his prose has deeply offended my religious sensibilities, but because he is a popcorn fiction writer presenting all historical “information” in his fictional book as fact. In short, I’d like to see Dan Brown flogged because he’s one, big, conceited p____k (fill in the blanks however you like).

If Dan Brown is an historian as he apparently claims to be, then I’m a quantum physicist. Criticisms of The Da Vinci Code are coming from just about every direction because the book is mainly replete with inaccuracies and outright mistakes, most of which pointed out by real historians and scholars who have spent their entire lives searching for historical truth.

According to critics, the book’s title itself is a prime showcase of Dan Brown’s pretensions to historical scholarship. Real historians and scholars, critics say, have always referred to the great Italian artist as “Leonardo”, because “Da Vinci” translates to “from Vinci”, which happens to be Leonardo’s father’s hometown. Simply put, “Leonardo Da Vinci” means “Leonardo from Vinci” in English. Unfortunately, this error, which a real historian would probably not make, echoes all throughout the book.

If I had Dan Brown’s historical acumen, I’d probably address my friend Carla, an Iligan native, as “from Iligan” in all my e-mails to her. (“What’s up, from Iligan? How’s married life treating you?)

But then again, if I had Dan Brown’s historical and writing savvy, I’d probably not be asking neighbors to tell creditors who come to collect at my house that I don’t live there anymore. I’d be richer than King Midas, just like Dan Brown is. Selling forty million copies and counting means serious moolah.

Dan Brown’s critics, the Catholic Church mainly, can boycott the book and the movie all they want. They can scream all their anti-Dan Brown sentiments until their collective jugular veins pop. Not that they matter anyway. The author would still walk laughing, stomach clutched with both hands, all the way to the bank.

PS3 Launch in November

After months of silence, Sony Corporation has announced that its latest video game console, the Playstation 3, will finally be launched in November this year.

The PS3, which will be released in two versions, will be launched in Japan on November 11, while North America, Australia, Asia and Europe will have to wait until November 17.

Sadly for guys like me, the closest I’d probably get to one of those things is through shop display windows. You see, its launch price in the U.S. will be pegged at $499 for the 20-gigabyte version, while the high-end, 60-gigabyte one will cost a hundred dollars more at $599.

At 52 pesos to the almighty dollar, the 20-gig PS3 will set Pinoy buyers back by P25,948, and by P31,148 for the 60-gig version. Enough to pay six months’ rent.

Truth be told, the Sony Playstation 3 is the most expensive video game console ever produced. It is much, much costlier that the current top-of-the-line console, Microsoft’s Xbox 360.

So which is the better choice: PS3 or Xbox 360?

None. I’d take the six-month rent anytime. I’m perfectly happy with my trusty Game & Watch anyway.

Robbery At The PPS Grand Showdown Last Sunday…

…and it didn’t happen at the Araneta Coliseum’s parking lot. It took place right on stage, in front of a TV audience of millions, when host Regine Velasquez’s announced that Gerald Santos is the winner of Pinoy Pop Superstar Season 2.

What really ticks me off is that he won over Aicelle Santos, who’s probably, from a musical standpoint, one of the most versatile finalists ever in any Pinoy singing contest, past or present.

I’ve heard from friends that they switched their TVs off as soon as the first round ended, believing that Aicelle will win hands down; the other finalists were simply just no competition for her. Imagine their eyes almost popping out of their sockets as soon as I broke the news to them yesterday morning.

During the Final Two showdown, Gerald and Aicelle both sang a Danny Tan composition entitled “Close To Where You Are”. Throughout Gerald’s performance, I kept on wondering how someone who’s so weak vocally ever reached the finals. In a performance that was so devoid of life, you could barely hear him sing over the band. As a matter of fact, I think he flubbed one whole stanza, drowned by all the instruments accompanying his song.

Aicelle’s turn was accompanied by the same decibel level, but her lovely alto just soared above the rather loud band, and made the song sound like an already established hit. Despite being an alto in a country whose general idea of a great singer is someone who can out-scream everybody else (watch all those Sunday variety shows and you’ll see what I mean), Aicelle hit the highest notes of the rather complexly-arranged contest piece with the greatest of ease, without resorting to the screaming and shrieking tactics Regine et.al. are known for.

Yet she lost. Why?

It just boggles the mind that despite Regine’s repetitive declarations that any special awards and rankings Gerald and Aicelle got before the Final Two showdown don’t count, that the decision who wins would be based solely on their rendition of the final song, Gerald still came out ahead, pathetic performance notwithstanding. Going into the finals, Gerald had always been a crowd favorite, simply because he is a likeable, down-to-earth kid, that his singing is as simple as can be, and that he has the benefit of a sob story, just like almost everyone who joins any talent search nowadays.

The judges succumbed to the classic “rooting for the underdog” mentality. That’s what did Aicelle in. Aicelle was clearly a cut apart from the rest, and that has proven to be her undoing. Being extremely talented in this part of the world has become a liability. Lea Salonga would know a thing or two about that, since she had to prove herself in a much bigger stage before she could win any sort of following here.

Gerald’s win just inspired me to audition for the upcoming Philippine Idol on ABC-5. I can carry a tune, just like Gerald. And I’ll have a sob story, just like Gerald. However, that sob story would be of the most pitiable sort, something along the lines of “my father put out his cigarette butts on my butt” or “my uncle made me do the “Body Language” dance while his drinking buddies watched”. With that, becoming the very first “Philippine Idol” would be a cinch. After all, winners will be decided solely by the Pinoy popular vote, the same Pinoy popular vote that put Erap in power and drove GMA to conspire with Garci and steal the presidency from Fernando Poe Jr.

There’s just no justice in the world.

Superman’s Back!!!

While writing this post, I’m still trying to shake off the goose bumps watching the Superman Returns trailer just gave me.

I’ve always said the choice of Bryan Singer as director was perfect, and that trailer just nailed it.

I don’t care much about Brandon Routh, who’s got really big tights, boots, cape and external underwear (now there’s an oxymoron) to fill. He’s a newbie, and whether or not he does a halfway decent job as heir to the late Christopher Reeve doesn’t really matter. They can always replace him if he stinks.

Nor do I give a hoot about Kate Bosworth’s Lois Lane; Teri Hatcher will always be the one for me. All I care about is how well Singer treats the material. And judging from the trailer, I think he’s done a pretty good job at it, just like he did with the X-Men.

There’s no doubt this latest movie about the Last Son of Krypton is going to be a monster hit. After all, it’s been almost two decades since the last one.

Speaking of the last Superman movie, I watched it on DVD a few months ago and saw how much it sucked, from the rather corny plot to the choice of villain (honestly, who’d take a villain who’s got Willie Aames’ hair seriously?). At least they got someone with Kevin Spacey’s stature to play Mr. Clean aka Lex Luthor. Oh, I’m also looking forward to his performance too.

Come to think of it, after watching all four movies again on DVD, I realized the Christopher Reeve series was just plain silly. There’s no question, however, about its impact on our lives, as many of us were still kids when we first saw Superman in all his red, blue and yellow (gold?) glory. I remember bugging my mom for a Superman costume, and instead getting one with an inverted “S”. I loved it anyway, not realizing I looked more like Bizarro than the Man of Steel.

Hopefully, Singer does for the Superman franchise what Christopher Nolan, another young directing turk of the dark and brooding persuasion, did for The Dark Knight in Batman Begins.

We still have to wait more than a month though…

Paris Out....Finally

For someone who’s been consistently on the brink of elimination for the past few weeks, it must have been quite a relief for Paris Bennett to be finally booted off American Idol last Wednesday and be done with it.

And it showed.

While previous results shows showed Paris weeping like a child (wait a sec….. she is a child!) for each eliminated contestant, an unbelievably composed 17-year old girl was onstage Wednesday, beaming and singing her heart out moments after Ryan Seacrest told her she got the lowest number of votes.

Must have been the weeks of practice she got from being constantly at the bottom of the standings.

Oh well. I fell in love with Paris right on her first audition, and I still think she’s one of the best vocalists in the competition, and could have become the 5th American Idol. But with this year’s Top 5 seeming like the best Top 5 AI has ever had, Paris’ elimination leaves four equally deserving finalists, and I’ve got no problem with that.

In any case, Paris, with her youth and tremendous talent, will definitely have a singing career ahead of her. For a music industry that gave recording contracts to non-talents such as Ashlee Simpson and countless boy bands, signing up real talents like Paris could serve as a partial atonement for the musical atrocities it has committed against the listening public.

Camote Ka!

“CAMOTE KA!”, my gramps used to bark at 10-year-old me every time I got caught dodging chores. A pretty odd expression, I know, but I often found myself at the receiving end of these words, especially when he catches me perched on my dad’s couch, staring at our four-legged black and white TV, and immersing myself in the world of Bert and Ernie, Voltes V and Superfriends all day long.

A lot has changed since then. My lolo has passed on, my color TV’s a double amputee just like everyone else’s, and the Wonder Twins’ powers have long been deactivated.

But one thing remains: I am still, and will always be, a couch potato, or in my case, a Couch Camote. Shows like Lost, 24, Smallville, Alias, Desperate Housewives, Pinoy Big Brother, American Idol, make sure that this camote’s butt will always be buried deep within my couch’s not-so-fertile soil.

You can expect Couch Camote to post info on just about anything related to the above shows. However, music, films, books, videogames or anything that compels us to keep our couches warm for a long period of time are also fair game as far as this blog is concerned. Even stories about our favorite actors and actresses, as well as celebrities we’d love to slug will also see the light of day here.

Welcome to the world of the Couch Camote.