Those Crappy AI Finale Songs

No surprises in the outcome of American Idol 5.

As boldly predicted by Simon Cowell, Taylor Hicks became only the second male to be crowned as the American Idol.

So I won’t write much about how the finale and results show turned out. Countless sites carry that. What I’m aching to rant about is the standard American Idol practice of making the final two sing songs as schmaltzy and ultimately crappy as the ones they sang last night.

These songs—presumably composed by second-rate songwriters getting minimum wage from the Fox Network—are probably the reason why Bo Bice didn’t win last year. He sang his first “single”—the title of which I don’t care to remember—during the AI 4 finale and delivered what is probably his worst-ever performance that season. Country singer Carrie Underwood, in contrast, was typically at home with her “single”—as country music nowadays is filled with pretty much the same crap—and eventually won.

This year, it was Katharine McPhee’s turn to fall flat on her face. Her “single” made me cringe while she was performing. It apparently had the same effect on her too, as she practically fell apart vocally while singing that song. Luckily for Taylor, he has this natural ability to turn even the crappiest of songs into something remotely engaging, which kinda explains why he is this year’s American Idol.

But if these songs are any indication of Taylor’s eventual and mandatory AI-produced album, I’d say Katharine, Elliott, Chris and all those who bit the dust are the lucky ones.